I started writing because I like to write. I started posting because I was hoping my journey might resonate with someone out there.
I started cooking when I first moved out on my own. I became a vegan because I fell into the hole of factory farming PETA videos on the internet and realized the animals I had been consuming lived a life that was very far removed from grassy farms I was made to believe they grew up on. I don’t care where you stand in terms of eating meat, the fact that there are ANY videos depicting animal abuse means it needs to be Shut. The. Fuck. Down.
I started going to therapy at the age of 12 because I was angry, unmotivated (in the ways my parents thought I should be) and couldn’t fit in the mold my sister left behind once she moved away for college (to no fault of her own). I continued therapy through high school after I ended up in a psych ward for 7 days because I was so unhappy with my life that I wanted to end it. I stayed in therapy because at the age of 17 my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. She went into remission and I knew in my heart she would stay there. She died four years later, a week after her 56th birthday, in the house I grew up in.
I moved to Colorado hoping to leave behind the narrative of brokenness I identified with. I joined Americorps, became passionately involved in the feminist movement, and went to school for Women’s Studies and Non-Profit Administration. I went back to therapy because I found myself trapped in an emotionally abusive relationship that reminded me you can’t leave your broken pieces behind, no matter how hard you try to reinvent yourself.
I met someone who cherished me. They thought I was the bee’s knees, and hey, I thought they were, too. I went back to therapy because within the first six months we were dating, my IUD shifted and we ended up with the emotionally challenging decision of whether or not to terminate a pregnancy. We chose to terminate and it was heartbreaking.
We fell in love, moved in together, got engaged, bought a house, and married each other. It was healing to know there was someone who valued me for the broken bits and encouraged me to let my best parts shine through the cracks of my past. He cradled my heart in his hands exactly the way it needed to be, and I’m not ashamed to admit finding another soul to share myself with brought me to a happier place. He encouraged me to follow my dreams, be authentic, and never compromise my beliefs. I admire him wholeheartedly.
I became an advocate for the paleo diet when I found out my body was broken, too. I had to shift from a plant based diet to one where I ate the animals I had dedicated my life to defending. Now, I was defending my life from an autoimmune disease that was attacking my body. I slowly began introducing foods like Salmon and chicken, hating the texture and hating that something had to die so I could live fully. How unfair is that? My body reacted well to eating animals and omitting other foods that were causing inflammation. I am so incredibly grateful for the lives that help save mine, although, I wish each day it didn’t have to be that way.
Life is unfair. We break, we heal, we break again. Every decision we make has an impact, every experience is something we carry with us or the earth carries with it. Becoming rooted in the autoimmune community has shown me that I have so much healing to do, not just physically, but spiritually. I can’t continue to identify as broken.
These are my roots. I am so heavily attached to this narrative and that.is. okay. What matters is where I grow with it. Do I go up towards the sun or do I stay stunted by the pains of my past? I know the *right* answer here and it isn’t the easy one.
I am trying to commit to staying rooted in who I am. That doesn’t just mean the sadness I carry with me, but also what the sadness created. It helped me to be compassionate, humble, and creative. It made me passionate about animal rights, human rights, and the planet. I’m motivated to help eliminate suffering and serve as a sounding board for others who feel broken.
I am going to do my best to blog from this lens. I am committing to not getting wrapped up in depicting how I want my life to look but how I truly live. I am not a photographer, I am not wealthy, I do not always buy organic (though I try) and sometimes I use bleach wipes. I fucking love bleach wipes.
These are the things I know to be true:
There is joy inside me
I can nourish that joy
I will nourish that joy
I care more about living authentically than having the prettiest house, the nicest car or the fanciest blog
I love my family
I love the earth and its capacity to heal my spirit
I love food and its capacity to heal my body
I love rooms with natural light
I love traditions
I love how fantastic I feel when I do a sun salutation
I love making people feel special
I love how proud I feel when I ride my bike to work
I love a hot beverage first thing in the morning
I’m excited to use this blog to live a more intentional life, find healing, and help others out there suffering through the struggles of mental health, autoimmune disease, and loss of loved ones. You are not alone.
Thank you so much for joining me on this journey Enjoy this recipe for a warm turmeric latte. It's full of anti-inflammatory properties and is a great replacement for coffee when you're feeling like a flare is coming on.
Cinnamon Turmeric Latte Ingredients:
1 1/2 Tbsp Turmeric
1/4 Tsp Ground Ginger
1.5 Cups Coconut Milk (I use Arroy D coconut milk because it's void of gums and thickening agents)
1 Cup Water
Splash of Vanilla (omit this if you are AIP)
1 TBSP Maple Syrup (or sweetner of your choice)
1/4 Tsp ground cinamin
Cinnamon Turmeric Late Instructions:
- Combine all ingredients in saucepan and turn to medium heat
- Whisk ingredients together
- Let heat for approximately 4 minutes, do not let boil
- Pour into mug and sprinkle with cinnamin